Life is so short....

Date:  Jan 30 2010...she falls in the wee hours of the morning...gets up and once again falls....when her husband rises to seek her out...he finds her on the bathroom floor unable to get up...he helps her up amidst her screams of pain and realizes that this means a trip to the hospital.
Date:  Mid February 2010....after 2 ct scans, numerous series of blood work, x-rays etc., the family is advised that she now has to contend with lung cancer...too much to let go...but at the age of 75...she decides that the offer of chemo and/or radiation is denied...she will try to survive the deadly disease
Date:  Late February 2010...family is advised that she is not healing as well as expected...the pain is still severe, efforts to get her up and moving come on deaf ears....suggestion to apply for long term care facility as the option to send her home is not on the list of even remote possiblilty...she talks to her husband and they discuss the options...she does not want to go to "a home"....
Date:  Early March  2010...the option of returning to her home is out!  Suggestion to move her to paliative care....which may take 2 days to 2 weeks...this is the decided choice.
Date:  2 days later...time...9pm...he is notified from the hospital that she has attempted to get out of bed and has fallen....no serious injuries but they are moving her immediately to paliative care...
Date:  Mid March 2010....she is declining quickly...now placed on oxygen full time, she cannot move out of bed without assistance.  She spends most of her time in slumber, and in a "awake state"...she talks about cleaning the room, hearing animal noises which are not being heard by anyone else...
So....is this quality of life.  I say not....the family is aware of what will eventually happen...she will decline food or water, she will spend more time sleeping, oxygen saturation levels will increase and then one day...she will drift off....
Yes I say life is too short, but at what time to we say....this is not quality of existence....when do we decide enough suffering is enough...for both the dying and the family....
I wish that time comes soon....for not to say goodbye to that family member....but to ease the pain and for the family to begin the process of mourning...to accept the loss.....

I don't get it....

Think of those people who stand by you thru thick and thin....and then think of the ones who s...t all over you. Who are the ones that you should be with? Who is the one you should ignore? How many times does someone have to create havoc in your life until you say "enough is enough"? Me personally - I go by the old expression...shit on me once..shame on you...shit on me twice...shame on me!!!! HELLO....its not difficult to figure out! (ps for the use of the "s" word)

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life

So....tomorrow is the first day I return to school....not yet 50...but nontheless I have decided that retraining is the way to go. I have always been a bit of an organizational nut...liking things to be neat and tidy...liking the planning of get togethers and events....so this is the path of education I am taking....Event Planning. I have many emotions all tumbling around in my tummy....scared....nervous....unsurity....I'm already tired....and I haven't even done my first day...
Wish me luck....

You know when its a New Year....obviously the year number changes. Then of course its the time for everyone to set a New Year's resolution. And finally I think this is when people start a change. It could be to loose those few extra (in my case a lot extra) pounds or it could be to quit smoking. Or it might even be the change in behaviour. This is a picture of my children. Aged 27, 20 & 18 - rarely do you see them in this close proximity to each other without one or two or all three of them yelling, bitching or complaining to the other. This is 2 days before Christmas and they are actually posing for what I feel is the best picture of them ever. They are adults; growing and changing. They are mine. I love them all like nothing other. I love them for various reasons but mostly because they are mine. Amanda is my oldest, David being the boy of the group and Ashley as she is the "baby. I couldn't ask for anything better - as this year was likely one of the best Christmas' I have spent in a long time. There was a full house at the Loitsch's, lots of food and an inside temperature of 84. Thanks to the ever stuffed fireplace, body heat and the oven heat. Friends, family and even an "add on" were in attendance and I wouldn't have changed a thing for the day. This year I will be 50 and it doesn't bother me. But I do want some things different. Drop a few pounds, start journalling and live life to the fullest. One thing I don't want to change - and that is the love I feel for my family.

To the world...

To the world you are one person....but to one person you are the world!!!!

This is how I'm gonna live my life....

I came across this really neat saying on a sign and thought I should share it with all my friends....

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body....yet rather to slide in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO....WHAT A RIDE"!!!!!